Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
