Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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