The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Actions speak louder than pants.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
