My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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