I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
