Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
