i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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