I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize