Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
