I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Two words: blizzard sex
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
