I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize