just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
