A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
