1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
