A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
