so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
