Your face is a jimmy john
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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