I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
