I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
