why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
