are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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