i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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