She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
