I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
