I wish I could punch you in the face.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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