i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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