Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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