I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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