yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
