also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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