just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
