oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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