I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
