The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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