The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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