You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
