apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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