im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
