He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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