vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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