if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
