omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
