Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
