remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
