so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
sex in a hospital.. check
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
