How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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