Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So vagazzling was a success
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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