so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
