so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize