so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
