Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
