im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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