By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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