Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
