My hand turned me down
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
