I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
