I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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