I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
