dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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