Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
