Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
