If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
