oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
