I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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