i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
