Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
