Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
