um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
