I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
