how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
