I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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