Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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