TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
